Heartbreak and fulfillment

Whew! What a whirlwind week it has been. Last Sunday we headed over to my grandparents house for the afternoon. It was insatiably relaxing. My grandparents who are in their 80's adore spending time with their great grandchildren. Monday and Tuesday were spent catching up on back to school shopping and soccer practice. Then came Wednesday, that's when the heartbreak set in. 
   I started lightly bleeding on Wednesday morning. And I thought nothing of it. When a man and a woman come together that came happen if your pratner goes too deep and you're pregnant. Then Thursday it got heavier, and on Friday it was still flowing. I called the clinic on base and told them that I was three weeks late and I was bleeding. I informed them that I thought I was having a miscarriage. The nurse told me to go to the ER. I didn't go. I wanted to see if it got worse or lightened up. Well now it's Saturday and still no good news. Richard and I are taking this pretty hard/well. We have moments where it's overwhelming. See we both had agreed to no more children. I secretly wouldn't have minded one more Allen child running around. But Richard was dead set against it. Matter of fact it took him a couple of weeks to accept the news. And now that the opportunity may be gone he's devastated. I do believe that children have a sixth sense about these things though. Yesterday I had a conversation with my son. It went something like this, "Seamus how many babies are in mommy's tunnmy?" "Two mommy." "What are they?" "One is a boy and one is a girl. The girl is freaking out and the boy is happy". I typically don't put much stock in what a four year old says unless he's hurt, but for some reason I did. Maybe it was because I didn't want to lose another baby. And I was desperate to hold onto any sense of life the baby had. Only God knows. 

  Now we're focusing on the children that we haven't lost. Seamus, Lylian and Maddalaena. They are so precious and knowing that God gave them to us, alive, is so fulfilling. Watching them grow and explore their world is such a blessing. I love them and my husband and I are much better knowing them and having them.